Wednesday, September 18, 2013

What’s in A Name Again?

Funny thing, I finally post my examination the Origins of this Blog, A Recovering Ubergeek.  I realized I was not done.  I realized another meaning to this title.  I am recovering from an abusive situation and I am an Ubergeek.  This meaning was implied in the last article on the subject.  I felt though it needed to be obvious.  This post will be fairly short.  I am a survivor of abuse and this most recent period, a fourteen year relationship, was the worst in my experience.  At the time I was unable to truly see it for what it was.  I was too close to the situation.  I allowed someone to make me responsible for everything in both our lives without any real decision making power.  I gave up too much of what made me who I was.  That has led to where I am I now; trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be.  The overwhelming problem is not what can’t I do but deciding from the infinite possibilities.  The funny thing is that this is in many ways a wonderful problem to have.

In the Future, I am going to be more about self interest.  That does not mean I am putting myself above others in a negative way.  It means I will not subsume my necessities to the point I have in the past.  I will not give up my necessities or parts of myself to please others.  I will surround myself with people who would never ask for that.  I will do better about boundaries my own and others.  I will let things happen in their own time not my own.  No rushing any relationship, be it a friendship or an intimate relationship.  People will need to accept the whole me, including that dorky nerdy Ubergeek part of myself; especially that part of me.  If people are not interested in getting to know me, I will let it go.  If it is meant to happen it will happen.  Forcing things never works.  What I left is proof of that.  I also need to remember sometimes the destination is not always the most important thing.  Sometimes the Journey itself is everything.  Well That Is My Not So Humble Opinion.

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